On Monday I went to visit my doctor regarding my condition and to say it went well would be something of a lie, albeit only a slight diet-coke lie. I am to chase up specialists and should improvement appear impossible I shall be referred to a pain clinic. Other things, related to the pain, were discussed yet due to their nature being somewhat fragile I cannot speak of them yet, all I can say is best wishes are gladly taken and good luck most surely desired. For now the tramadol four times a day remains my friend and my antidepressant dose has been doubled meaning more food for me. FYI, I lost my appetite beyond nerds, Ribena and warm rolls with butter.
Having left the appointment with my better half a spell of tears was fought off with a well needed hug and previous plans of a lunch out (a reward to self for going to the doctor's despite great anxiety) were out into action. Thirty minutes later I found myself in a place that smelt more of public toilet floor than O2 Greenwich restaurant. This was of course not the case for the entire place but the back half off the too floor where I suspect the smell is endured for the sake of guiding customers to the privacy they seek. The service was okay, downgraded from rude after noticing the fact our waitress was then only waitress in the place and the food as expected beyond the use of whole tomatoes on bruscetta. I shan't name the franchise but within my circles it is known for poor treatment of their staff so perhaps that may help you figure out, should you want to.
Returning home after an enjoyable time alone with one another a discussion had across food drove me into mental action. I was going to look on the bright side of my predicament and begin to indulge myself in the interests and hobbies abandoned for studies and work. I ordered a book on crystals and one on Romani history, I bought and further planned my other half's birthday on the 19th. I treated myself to a horror pop figurine which I shall photograph and post soon with film review attached. I lost myself in my mind and reached out to friends who had followed their interests more loyally than myself. Books were recommended and a knitting trio arranged, I plan to learn as part of 2016's aims and one of those trio has been kind enough to offer to teach me. I began to realise that I could fight my depression (which worsens pain according to my doctor) by reaching out into the world instead of merely hiding and allowing an anxious nature to control me. Whether reading or meeting friends I would focus on the positive and deny the misery of being bedridden by pain. Of course there will be days I can do little if anything at all, today being one of them, and I have had to rearrange the first meet of Knit Year (the name of fb chat group I made) but I managed to arrange my partner's birthday further, write this blog, spend time with our little fur ball and have bacon sandwiches with Sam whilst re-watching Brooklyn Nine-Nine as he has not seen it yet. One of his present's arrived too and has joined the giant cardboard box as unwrapped temptation until I get time to wrap where Sam will not walk in. With that said, I turned spy for my party planning partner in crime whilst the birthday boy to be slept with the pup. Most amusing albeit difficult to curl around a dog without waking him or cooking myself. As I know he will read this I ask him not to contemplate where my mission sent me.
I guess these last few days have been altogether strange but I have to admit I have yet to accept the information I am attempting to avoid, the thing I cannot speak of yet.
I'm nervous about his birthday surprise, that my mood will make me snap if something is said that I find offensive but I know I can bite my tongue and remain happy to linger. I'm mainly nervous that he will not enjoy it for unlike a party for me I cannot simply throw glitter and sparkly things around which reminds me we have to take down all the Christmas stuff. Ah, effort.
Sam is being painfully helpful and bending over backwards to insist I rest which means I shall have to act covertly on certain matters and not complain or insist I help when I see him stressed and rushed doing things that a healthy pain free Lola could do. We are slowly coming to an arrangement on what I can in the house however and I am meeting my father tomorrow for a day of book and spook shopping (spook referring to my now honest interest in spirituality, crystals, the paranormal etc) so that shall surely wear me out and send me straight to the couch when I return home. I am looking for ward to it though, I've found as I've grown up I've missed spending time with my parents more as if I have begun to regress which would quite honestly not surprise me, a little regression can be comforting.
In ending I thought I would leave links for anyone wondering what endometriosis is and for anyone suffering from it who happens to read my drabble and wants to know more.
http://www.endometriosis-consultant.co.uk/
Tada.
In guilt for the misery of some of my content I thought I would share my favourite animal with you. I saw some for the first time in Amsterdam and came out just as we approached the second time, it was a very special moment. I wish you all a lifetime of those moments but for now farewell.
P.S. watch BBC's And then there were none, it was superb and I shall most certainly be seeking it as a purchase.
Peace to all.
✨✨✨
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